Kiss
Puke
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
