Already got asked if we're dating
Swine flu. Run for my life!
are you so shy because you have an std?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
