I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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