I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
