You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
