Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
