He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
