I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
