I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
