who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
