so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
