K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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