I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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