i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
