Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
