So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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