omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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