I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
