She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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