I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
