you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
