i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
