Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
