I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
