this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
