idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
