dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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