he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
