Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
