when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
