walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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