I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
