My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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