I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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