Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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