he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
