The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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