Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
