i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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