I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
