Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
