FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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