do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
