whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
