Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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