i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
