does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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