tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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