Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Boobs speak an international language.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
