Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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