i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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