We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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