Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
